I will never have a job, or anything, I have/had a **** life, do I go top myself?

There are some staying-at-home jobs. Don't listen to the haters, appreciate the misunderstood attention. Talk to family/friends that can help you with finding a good career/job. Talk to your doctor more about your disease; he may know about what you're going through and can help you. If not, try a therapist; they know what they're doing. There are community therapist at no cost if that helps.